Thursday, April 10, 2014

Trying to breath in a nightmare....

It was around 3 p.m., exhausted from being with Kael all day, packing and getting ready to move and getting ready for the baby...It is a lot of work. I opened the patio door and left Kael to play by himself outside. It is fenced of course. My phone was out of battery and I plugged it into the outlet in the kitchen. I got a message and sat momentarily on the tiny IKEA stool and took a breath. In that moment I heard a baby boy cry. I jumped out my seat, the crying noise was getting weaker and weaker and immediately in my mind they are taking him. Roberto has been warning me about being careful about child abduction and watching Kael 24/7, but we also have a dog and I was just there two minutes ago. I rushed to the patio and of course Kael was not there. It is hard to explain the first couple of breaths, but most moms out there, I am sure they know what that feels like.

End of life, period. Nothing is more real in that moment and though I am very pregnant and can barely move fast, I ran back inside the house first crying Kael and he was not there. The apartment door was closed but it was not locked, totally my mistake as he has left the apartment a few times before. I could not find him outside and went back in to reach to my phone to dial 911. The phone was almost dead, and I went back to the bedroom and there he was, the same joy I had when he was born into my arms, reuniting with his beauty and I hugged him real tight- of course he wanted to leave me and play with his trains.

I will never forget this day and the times that I am resentful for one or the other reason, for not having enough time, for not being a good mama, for not doing everything on my to do list. It takes only seconds to lose the most important being in your life. Guaranteed. I hope I learned my lesson. Tomorrow is another day....May it be filled with gratitude and love.