Friday, June 15, 2012
Back home with plus one!
I love being a mother, I love my baby boy and I love my mother even more after being a mother. It is crazy how my life changed so fast, I think I am still trying to digest the situation, hence diarrea for almost three weeks! It is also very refreshing to know that I can never take anything granted, great news for unpleasant stuff, like being away from my love. I am convinced that life is all about change and how we flow with it. Easy to say but putting it to day to day practice with a smile on my face is for sure my life's work.
Everyday I am reminded of showing gratitude to what I have and I rejoice getting a chance to practice the joy of being alive. Being with family is a great opportunity, as well as being with a baby, as there is nothing more challenging than those two for me right now. Family is family, you know what I mean, they know your buttons well, and the baby, hum, I am learning about that, apparently, my baby also came fully equipped with keys to all my buttons as well. He does not understand either Turkish or Spanish or English. That sucks, for me! I demand that he understands like our wonderful dog Leroy Brown, what is wrong with this little guy. I just want him to still quiet and wait for me so I can answer emails and check my Facebook. Silly me. But you might think I have lost my mind, well not yet, but almost, if I haven't decided to be in Costa Rica by myself with the baby for any longer. And don't get me wrong, Kael is not fussy or difficult. He is very happy, content and most of the time quiet. Still, this mama had no clue of what real babies are all about:) I am not complaining, it is really fun to be learning again and it is a relief to have family support. I am grateful to be here and I soak in every minute of it.
Right now I am practicing to remember that my baby needs me and I want to be present with him all the time. This is tough for me because it is like good meditation all the time, it doesn't happen that easy. Most of the time during meditation I fly away, losing the focus and turn into day dreaming or active to do list making. Baby is like that too, he is here but I still fly away to millions of other things that I used to think are urgent in my self centered world. It takes time I guess, or I hope!, because so far, I am not 100% present with the baby. I am trying though. And I ask help from everyone around me to remind me if I drift away too long to something that is not as important as connecting with the baby. It is so precious to hold him and to smell him, to feel his skin, once I am present with him in that moment, it is like heaven. I want to breath in many many many moments like this forever, there is nothing sweeter that I have tasted or lived in my life as his feather soft skin and breath touches on my skin and as I hear his little heart beat against my ear. This is my welcome to motherhood blog update, well its been more than six months but better late than never.