Thursday, October 06, 2011

A new chapter...

There is a new chapter in this book! It is exciting and scary and of course as my mom puts it, perfectly expected from me. I sold the cafe, got married and I am now pregnant to a baby boy who is coming to be with us in two months. Crazy fast but it feels so good to be alive now. These days life feels like a roller coaster and I am sure the pregnancy hormones are to blame!!!  I have no plans for the future, quite opposite, I am swimming in the unknown, I don't know where we will live, what we will do as we are both jobless right now and I have no clue how to be a mom. Even before that, I cant even decide if I am strong enough for homebirth or ready to fight the doctor who is not willing to wait more than 3 hours for a normal delivery. I know it will all work out, it always does. One way or the other, life goes on. And if I can breath in the middle of this, I thank myself and say I am grateful to be able to recognize the moment. That is all I can do right now. A split second of consciousness that everything is exactly how it is supposed to be.

It sure helps to be in Costa Rica, this constant connection with the nature, feeling the ocean and the green, touching my feet on earth, eating so well thanks to my husband. I can not believe I met someone who can cook better than me! It really helps to get out from my mind and just feel. I am also doing yoga, my own way. Mostly listening to my body and giving myself time to explore my muscles in this phase of my life.  I can not do many of the poses and I try extra hard not to push my self, but most of the time I am really loving this extra freedom I found, to be me. I have the best excuse to myself:) It is a great lesson that I want to take with me after the baby, because really I do love this person now. Even though I don't work 12 hours, even though I don't run 2 hours and do yoga every day...Somehow, I even think I am more beautiful than ever before- most of the time...Then there are the moments of fear, doubt, unknown, worry...pre-postpartum pregnancy thing, that is not clinically coded:) I have that too!

In the middle of this chaos, I want to write more. I want to share more and be connected more. At least to give it a try...

3 comments:

small button nose said...

Tebrikler:)bende 14 haftalik hamileyim;)hamilelik biraz zor. Ben sizin blogunu uzun zamandir takip ediyorum.yeniden yazmaya baslamaniz cok guzel.Hersey go ounce olsun be begin haberlerinizi Dort gozle bekliyrum.

Sassy said...

Whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxo
Sassy and Jeff
Reno, NV

seda said...

Ozlem you are just great! I wish the best for both of you and for your baby! I have no doubt that everything will work great for all of you. I wrote this before but wanna repeat it again: you really inspire me. It is not about having a baby, it is more about just letting it go when you feel it is the time.It is just perfect.